ehh diesellll

wtf is my problem?!?!

2005-08-20T07:59:29Z

69696969.
HIVHIVHIVHIVHIVHIVHIV<3
i like this fucking boy why the fuck do i like him what is my problemi dont like anyone ever.
i think i need a reeality check heyy give me one.
people need to be upfront not all dfsgkjhhkgj
so i guess i got ugly like my bestfriend said.
and there is no hope for me.
fuck it.
i knowmyselfand so do the people thatmatter.
janessa's brother is trying to hit onme as a write this.
he's is in 8th grade hmmm.<3
"i will screw you i want to fuck you."
those are the types of things janessa and her brother say to one another.
well where is the hope for me.
"well i hear gay people say screw you"
"that's cause they're classier thantyhat."

"you don't haveto be classy to be gay." -Janessa.

im a really happy person and i love the friends who have trust in me & shit.
just cause you aren't here to witness everything doesn't mean you have to be negative.
canyou please dfghdjkhg.
SCHOOL STARTS VERY SOON.
WHY DON'T I GET REALLY GOOD GRADES THIS SEMESTER?
I'LL DO IT & GO TO HARVARD.
kdfjghkjdfthhlkjfgyjhfgldkj$&(*$&$)(#<3
fdkjhgghjk this boy is soooo unexplainable.
i will shjoot him

today and yesterday

2005-08-17T08:38:19Z

i love my friends.
i love lifeeeee.
i only miss my bestfriend.
& school is starting so soon... i wonder how i'll react to it.
people like apathy. but it's not something shoot for...
it's not obvious or anything that you have changed... no one sees it.
& it's not slowing down either.
over what?
katie falls asleep on meee.
i hang out with her so much now.
i loveeee herr <3
and i actually have a crush. for real this time.
he is a special boy i can tell.
i can't assemble an espresso machine worth shit.
i started crying. brutal as fuck obviously.
last night i hung out with carlosss and matt and katiee & 2 other girls.
but carlos and matt made me laugh like i don't normally laugh.
sometimes i just get along so well with people.
and i love when i find that.

turbo_diesel @ 2005-08-11T08:51:00

2005-08-11T15:58:25Z

so today was a good day.
i just got home from boston/capecod and gained about 10 lbs.
because i am a compuslive eater & it's really interesting.
well i think that this city has become obsessed with something that's not something that should be on peoples' minds. you stand up for something and break your promises to yourself. then you go and point your finger at people. the things that are said don't have any proof or any reason. if you can't stand up for the things you claim yourself to be.. then don't put a label on a person. it doesn't matter what they choose to do. it's their life. don't waste your energy worrying or thinking about why or any consequences.
the people who make their decisions think about these things enough.
there are more positive beautiful things in life to talk about.
i miss my bestfriend in az. oh well i love katie and janessa fershurrrrrrr<333
i love california.

turbo_diesel @ 2005-08-02T14:56:00

2005-08-02T21:57:32Z

move on with your own life.
before you judge our lives.

you'd be cuter if i shot you in the face.

2005-08-02T09:02:16Z

in one year things can change so drastically.
a person can change into a complete polar opposite.
it's ridiculous & makes me scared even more of the future.
i am just really happy to have such good friends, a lot of people don't have that in their life. real friends. the kind that would undoubtedly take a bullet for you.
there's not a lot to look forward to anymore...same old thing.
when school starts everything will end.
& i will have a purpose, meaning, reason, a goal.

it's funny how easily it is to get close to a person & then just as fast you will move on to the next.
it seems a lot of things in life are like that.
you do it and quickly move on to the next.

i can never sleep.
i should just turn to sleeping pills/then i will be on that cycle.
i just want to go to sanfrancisco, take the train.
rides are always nice.
i miss katie & cori i never see them anymore. actually i miss everyone i stopped talking to as much. & those people would never expect it, because i treat people like shit.
something neeeeeds to change.
we take people for granted & don't realize it.

so early

2005-07-28T12:41:50Z

everyone falls asleep on me & i am just sitting here waiting for the sun to come up.
i went to sf & it was fun i got called a chemotherapy patient
i felt really good about myself.
i haven't seen these 2 girls katie and cori in so long.
i think i should see them somehow.
a lot of things in life don't make sense.
people lie & shit.
why can't they just use honesty?
that makes the situation better.
i feel like i am never home and i do nothing with my life.
maia & me made a potion today hahahah we are cool
so janessa maia and mehung out today like almost every day it is the usual.
i have fun with them so it works out well hahahah wtf.
i have to go to a tennis match today.... fuckkk
i like to write stories sometimes i don't like to draw
fuck sleeping.

ridiculous

2005-07-18T19:35:12Z

so yesterday was a day.
i slept only a littl ebit.
but little do i know that maia & me were up until7 am with little mike & it was insane.
the trees waved at me & shit.
but then igot sleep and everyhting was good.
maia & me had to hitchhike over to janessas house
it was... very interesting.
i really need a boy.
just someone to be like that with.
it smellslike shit.
i feel bad going to jessas because i never fall asleep.
i waited for this boy for 2 weeks and then he sleeps with some skank ass whore.
<3
it makes me feel so good.

hemroids

2005-07-04T19:57:02Z

i have a lot of hemroids in my left anus.
it is 4th of july today and i guess i will pick me nose.
and wipe it on brick houses.
maybe i will cut out my eyeballs and sell them on the street to rednecks.
who knows what the day brings...